Introduction Thank you for downloading XEmacs. We of the XEmacs development team believe user satisfaction is our number one priority, and we hope that you will be pleased with the power of our editor. Please follow all of the instructions in order to enjoy a quick and easy installation. Getting Started In this guide, information which you will need to supply will be enclosed in angle brackets, . Commands which you will have to enter will be indented, like this. You will need to provide a loading directory, in which to load the material from tape (/tmp/xemacs is recommended), and a permanent installation directory (/usr/local/xemacs is recommended). Loading From Tape First create and change directory to the loading directory: mkdir cd Now you are ready to load the software from tape. The specific device name needed to load the tape varies with hardware vendors, and may be found in Appendix A, "Vendors and Device Names". Load the software from tape: tar xvf /dev/ You have now loaded all of the software from tape, and are ready to compile and install the XEmacs Text Editor. Compiling and Installing the XEmacs Editor Compiling and installing the libraries is handled by a user-friendly shell script. You will need to provide some information to the script, such as your organization name and registration number. To run the script, type /bin/sh xemacs/xemacs.install -d Follow the script's directions, and provide the information which it prompts for. When the script prompts you for the directory in which the distribution files are located, you will find that you are unable to provide it with any directory which the script will deem satisfactory. That is because it is necessary to order the following additional parts which are necessary to continue with the installation: Part Number Qty Name Price GM-96-3026 1 Goat, male 1000.00 CB-13-2395 1 Candle, black 50.00 CG-63-6376 1 Chalk dust container 10.00 IB-89-3335 5 Incense sticks 5.00 DE-44-8846 1 Dagger, ebon, curved 500.00 AS-87-2319 1 Altar, silver 10000.00 Wait until the additional parts arrive; you will be ready to continue the installation the next Friday the 13th at midnight. Ritual for Successfully Completing Installation Stand in front of the computer. Pour out the chalk dust in an inscribed pentagram around you; be sure that it is without breaks. Set an incense stick at each of the five corners, the altar in front of the computer, and the candle in front of the altar. Light each of the incense sticks and the candles, chanting in a low voice: Daemons and spirits of the netherworld Forces of all that is chaotic and mysterious Essence of Netscape and MicroSoft I am coming here to appease you I offer you this goat That my software may work I bind you here Do not make my system crash Let the software install as advertised Place the goat on the altar, and slaughter it with the dagger. May this goat feed you Sate your lust for blood Into it may your mischief fly Not my computer Make the software work For this is the only way Then spit into the computer's ventilation slots. This will complete different circuits inside the computer, causing its motherboard and cards to function in ways that the engineers never intended, thereby making your system compatible with our libraries. Reboot your computer. The installation is now complete. [This has undergone a minor rewrite for XEmacs. It originally appeared on rec.humor.funny courtesy of jonathan seth hayward , and is included by permission of the author].